Some really bad/weird quotes

Warning: These quotes are REALLY bad. If you're not into this kind of stuff, back out NOW!

Quotes from Tommy Boy (starring Chris Farley)

You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there, but wouldn't you rather take his word for it?

Sonofa! I got my thing stuck in my zipper and I've got piss all over my pants!

You better pray to the God of Skinny Punks that this wind doesn't pick up! 'Cuz I'll come over there and shove an oar up your ass!

Quotes from Biodome (starring Pauly Shore and Steven Baldwin)

BUD: "You're not some kind of weird tribe, dancin' around naked, take off our clothes, feed us some weird punch?"
DR: "No."
BUD: "Damn..."

A quote from "She's The One":

You're the only white English speaking taxi driver in New York.
-Heather (Cameron Diaz)

A quote from "Happy Gilmore" starring Adam Sandler

Big guy in the audience: "That's two [strokes] thus far Shooter."
Shooter McGavin: "That's good! You can count!"
Big guy in the audience: "And you can count. On me. Waiting for you in the parking lot."

Shooter McGavin: "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!"
Happy Gilmore: "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast??"
Shooter McGavin: "No..!"

What to say when people ask if you and your younger/older sibling are twins

Person: "Wow, you two look so similar! Are you twins?"
You: "Yes we are. We sent one into space travelling at light speed for a month or so relative to his spacecraft. When he/she came back, two earth years have passed.

A Quote from George - from the Show Seinfeld

George:"Hi, my name is George. I'm bald, and I live with my parents."

This is from a commercial

Introducing Gooey Louie...The goal of the game is to pick gooey out of Louie's nose...and if you pick the wrong piece of gooey, his brains pop out.

A Quote from The Simpsons

I warned ya! That coloured chalk was forged by Lucifer himself!
- Groundskeeper Willy

From TV...

Of course we lie. Everyone lies. It's what keeps families together.