67 Ways to be Annoying
67 Ways To Be Annoying
1. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
2. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
3. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public
consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking to others.
5. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
6. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper,
7. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
8. Sniffle incessantly.
9. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
10. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
11. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
12. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
13. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
14. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
15. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
16. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
17. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that youll be saying more any moment.
18. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
19. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
20. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
21. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
22. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
23. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
24. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
25. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
26. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
27. Honk and wave to strangers.
28. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
29. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
30. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
31. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
32. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
33. only type in lowercase.
34. dont use any punctuation either
35. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
36. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
37. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
38. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
39. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someones roadmaps.
40. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
41. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
42. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
43. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
44. Stand over someones shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
45. Pretend your computers mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
46. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
47. Ask people what gender they are.
48. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
49. Hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. (What about Blue Swede's: "Hooked on a Feelin'"?)
50. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
51. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
52. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being
first in the phone book, claim its a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
53. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
54. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
55. Wear a LOT of cologne.
56. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
57. Sing along at the opera.
58. Mow your lawn with scissors.
59. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
60. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
61. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
62. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
63. Never make eye contact.
64. Never break eye contact.
65. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
66. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
67. Invite lots of people to other peoples parties.
CLASSICAL STUDIES 301
Outline of Word-Building
A. Names of diseases/disorders. Descriptive.
I. Most prominent features
II. Disturbance taking place in organ, system, cell.
a) Abnormality in
b) Abnormal function
OSTEOCLASIA (surgical fracture of a bone)
c) Disturbance of function
d) Abnormal event/occurrence
EMPYEMA (pus in [pleural] cavity)
NOTE THAL ALL EXAMPLES ABOVE HAVE A NON-CLINICAL ENDING/TERMINATION: STATE
OF.../CONDITION CHARACTERIZED BY....
B. Compounding Words. Prescriptive.
I. Ending denotes class of disease.
a) In front may come
1. organ affected
2. abnormal element, part affected understood
3. adjective denoting a general condition
b) In front of name of organ or tissue affected may come an adjective
1. describing organ or tissue
2. nature of disturbance
c) In front of all this and forming beginning of word may come expression of excess/deficiency/malfunction
AGRANULOCYTOSIS (a. c. c. by absence/deficit of granular [white blood] cells)
A- = EXCESS/DEFIENCY/MALFUNCTION
GRANUL/ = ADJECTIVE/DESCRIPTIVE COMPONENT
CYT = ORGAN/TISSUE/SYSTEM
-OSIS = CLASS OF DISORDER
HYPOPROTHROMBHAEMATOSIS (a. c. c. by deficiency of clot-forming substance in blood)
HYPO- = EXCESS/DEFICIENCY/MALFUNCTION
PROTHROMB/ = ADJECTIVE/DESCRIPTIVE COMPONENT
-OSIS = CLASS OF DISORDER
II. Expression of excess/deficiency/malfunction may come between name of tissue/organ/substance/function and the
THROMB/ = QUALIFIER
CYT/ = TISSUE/ORGAN/SUBSTANCE/FUNCTION
PEN/ = EXCESS/DEFICIENCY/MALFUNCTION
-IA = NON-CLINICAL SUFFIX
(Cf. above astrocytoma and acrodermatitis, where suffix denotes class of disorder rather than grammatical function, e.
Note carefully the following words:
Note the DYS- remains attached to the verbal ("action") component: to tone up, to nourish, to smell and to feel.
A(N), EU, HYPO and HYPER function in the same way.
III. When emphasis is on a disturbance of function rather than on a part of the body, the function immediately precedes
the ending; the function may be preceded by a word denoting
a) direction: DIARRHEA
b) substance: MENORRHAGIA
c) character of substance: LEUCORRHEA
d) excess/deficiency/defect: DYSPHAGIA
e) where: PNEUMONOHAEMATORRHAGIA
(Cf. B. III. a above, but here with a specific location rather than direction.)
IV. The name of the part affected forms the ending and is preceded by an abnormal constituent.
SCHEMA: B. I-III
1. EXCESS/DEFICIENCY/DEFECT--QUALIFIER--ORGAN/TISSUE/ABNORMAL ELEMENT--CLASS OF
DISORDER (E.G. -ITIS): ALYMPHOCYTOSIS. [= B. I. a)-c)].
2. (QUALIFIER)--TISSUE/ORGAN/SUBSTANCE--EXCESS/DEFICIENCY/DEFECT- -ENDING (E.G. -IA, -Y):
NEURASTHENIA. (= B. II).
3. QUALIFIER--FUNCTION--ENDING (EMPHASIS ON FUNCTION): LEUCORREHEA. [= B. III. a)-c)].
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